“Na
who die nai lose ooO, this world is too sweet”
This
had always been my closing remark whenever I hear that somebody has committed
suicide. Sometimes I speak Christianese and say “you’ll not only lose on this earth but go to hellfire.”
Even
though life has not gone the way I wanted it, my heart has been broken
countless times, friends have disappointed and betrayed me, death has claimed
loved ones e.g. My father (Chief Ame), Uncles, Aunties, Friends even Babes/chics
(lol) but never has suicide crossed my mind, until late 2016.
I
was sick and didn’t know, not of the regular sickness like malaria, or typhoid,
I was losing interest in life, tried finding solace in alcohol, sex, and company
of friends, but hey, we spends the most time with our-selves, however short the time may be, in
those short period, the urge to go out like Robbie Williams or Christian Benoit
was very appealing.
Just
because you are rich and famous does not mean all is well, you can be more
sicker, take it from me. I had started the New Warri blog and it was not doing badly, I had deadlines to meet
with articles, but yet I was sick with a sickness of the mind that made me lose
interest in everything and I doubt if even my wildest dreams would have made me
well.
I
was depressed, sad, and alone. No one
to talk to, just keyboards, to punch my feelings on. The black-colored words on
white computer screens don’t talk back, but with a solemn voice, reads out my
imperfect perfect lamentations. I was among the statistics of the World Health
Organisation, WHO, who had claimed that there are 322 million people living with
depression in the world.
Depression
is a big deal; we often think that its a white man or big man sickness, newsflash
even poor men are suffering from it. You’ll agree with me that depression was
in play when cases of suicide went up recently in Nigeria.
What’s Depression?
Depression is a state of
low mood, distaste, antipathy, aversion to activity that can affect a
person's thoughts, behavior, feelings, and sense of well-being. A mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a
despondent lack of activity
This common mental disorder can cause people
to experience depressed mood,
loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed
sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration.
A lot of things can lead someone into the lonely and tormenting
road of depression from environmental, genetic, psychological, and biological factors.
Depression can happen at any age, but in most cases, teenagers and young adults
suffer a lot and Women are twice as likely to have depression and symptoms of
depression, as men of the same age. It’s
pertinent I point out that some depression can also be from heartbreak or
people going through an unexpected divorce, many cases in Nigeria loss of Job,
postpartum stress, or a feeling of under achievement etc.
Song of Solomon 8:6 ...Love is as strong as death, this was
and still is very true. I had Loved like I have never loved anyone, Life with
her was magical and then it happened, she said she couldn’t wait anymore, she
said she can’t relocate to Warri, etc. Many she said, I Said and No, with disagreements and she left. I could have been able to handle the break up gracefully if I
realized I was not the man with the keys to the manor of my heart, I gave it to
her.
I tried over and over again to shut the doorway of my heart
or open a new one and failed over and over again and with each failure I was
slowly slipping into depression, I didn’t know until I was drowning in it.
Here are some of the ways I felt almost all the time
a. I was never
energized to do anything, always Fatigue, and no energy to even blog or take
anything serious.
b. I felt worthless and guilty. The repeated failure
to shut the door or open a new one made me feel like a failure who can’t govern
is heart. Every day I replay scenarios of past events in my head not, about how
I could have done everything differently, blaming myself for many unavoidable
mistakes and reading unnecessary meanings to past events.
c. I found it
difficult to concentrate, I can’t hold my thoughts for long, it just keeps
wandering. Indecision became my closest ally because I was not thinking. Taking
decisions on simple things were hard because I was not able to think and many
times I kept second-guessing and thinking how uncool my plans are.
d. Fourthly, sleep
was a problem, I could not sleep. Alcohol became an antidepressant. For some
people, depression can cause hypersomnia (excessive sleeping) but for me it was
Insomnia.
e. I became the
“I will call you back” guy and won’t call back not for lack of airtime or
disrespect, I was losing interest or pleasure in almost all activities.
f. I was
growing thinner and bony, I was barely eating and constantly tanking alcohol.
g. And lastly, recurring
thoughts of death or suicide was always on my mind, but God saved me.
Now, I know you want to ask, how did I get out? How was I able to find peace again? Here’s the truth, Do I still feel depressed sometimes? Yes I do, Do I still feel down and out, yes I do, Do I still make mistakes, O yes, always, but they are events and not me.
ü Depression
can be effectively treated with psychotherapy and antidepressant medications, I
didn’t use drugs, but I talked to matured friends.
ü I realized
that there’s a thin line between love and hate and I’ve switched to the hate line
and it was consuming me because I have refused to face my fear, accept and adjust to reality. I forgave myself and
her even if she was not apologetic, I forgave her for myself.
I a
IalI realized, that my life is not all that bad, it will get better, i have to keep keeping up with what i am doing.
ü
I started returning calls, and dropped the Yes man syndrome (I hope you
get the Yes man line, if you don’t, google Eddie Murphy Yes Man movie) I got involved
in stuff, started hanging out more. I began doing more mind engaging and hand
doing activities. (I played many ludo, chess, scrabble and Okor)
ü
My Mum’s Kitchen became my most favorite
place in her house. I ate more healthy foods and fruits.
ü
I
started running every morning and doing press up (I am no longer consistent
with the routine now). But these routines kept me not just busy but productive.
ü
I
cut down on alcohol and my friends started calling me Jedidiah,
meaning gbogbonishe and jedijedi master.
If you’re reading this and you have anyone you
suspect suffering from depression you should deal with the person with care and
tact by doing the following from the World Health Organisation (WHO)
i.
Listen,
offer support and don’t be judgmental.
ii.
Encourage
them to seek professional help if possible and promise to accompany them to the
appointment and don’t break your promise.
iii.
If
medication is prescribed, help them to take it as prescribed and be patient
with them.
iv.
Help them with everyday task, suggest and
make possible regular eating and sleeping pattern.
v.
Encourage
regular exercise and social activities.
vi.
Learn
more about depression so you can be better equipped.
vii. If they are
thinking about self-harm or have attempted or already intentionally harmed
themselves, ensure you do not leave them alone and remove sharp items, medications
or firearms from them.
we are a 24/7 residential treatment facility for adults ages 18 and older with mental illness. we provide room and board, which includes 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, individual and group counseling. We provide psychiatric services and medication management. Our services help decrease hospitalization re-entry by providing continuum of care. we also provide life skills, work program, semi-independent to independent living preparation.
ReplyDeletelife skills
This is really great.
DeletePlease send us a post about your work so we can share.
Great work you are doing.
More Grace.